“60 DAYS: In the Life of a Teenager with Bipolar” #3: Exhausted

Day 3
Mood: 4

Dear Blog,
I’m forcing myself to do this today. I’m exhausted. I’m always f**king exhausted. Sometimes I feel like my brain just won’t stop. When it does this my heart speeds up and I begin to freak out. Sometimes this lasts for hours or all day and I end up exhausted. I end up feeling like I can’t keep my body moving despite my head running at full speed.
I feel this will be hard for me to push myself each day to write. I just want to finish something and feel that feeling of being accomplished.
I have a fear of doing new things. I create fears before I have a reason to. I remember being 8 and still not able to ride a bike with out training wheels. I was soon to learn fear hinders success. I learnt this when my dad pretended to hold the back of the two wheeled bike as I rode off. Minutes in I turned around and saw him standing in the distance, his hands free of the bike. Now, I look back at this moment and see an example of how, even at a young age, I let fears of all sizes control me. Stump me. Hinder me. Rip me of my ability to see clearly and to try new things. Now that I can see this. I can see that i need to free myself from it’s control. And I will.
Until tomorrow,
amberroseleigh