Day 2
Mood: 4
Dear Blog,
Sometimes I travel past people sitting happily in a restaurant or a cafe of some sort and I wonder how they do that. In most if not all public situations I feel very nervous. I don’t know why and I don’t understand where this problem came from. Public situations particularly restaurant ones have always made me nervous. So when I drive or walk past these places I often wonder what it’s like to be able to freely interact with others without a care in the world or without having to psyche yourself out first. This is a problem I’ve always dealt with and is something that is worse on bad days. Dealing with it can be a struggle because this unreasonable fear of people happens to control the important processes of life and growing up. I acknowledge I’m not the only person like this and despite many days of wanting to hide away from all human civilization I have to find ways around this problem. In an earlier blog I talked about saying yes and encouraging yourself to start living positively. That is the main way for me to fight this. I have to push myself out from this dark cave I hide in and interact and be aware I will not perish from the face of the earth if I do so. I don’t know where this fear has come from or why I allow it to rule my life. However I do believe it’s linked to my feeling of feeling disconnected and un-relatable to people. A goal of mine is to be more confident in interactions with people and to be able to regain the sociability I had more of when I was younger. In doing that however I have to push myself and not allow myself to succumb to the notions of irrationality in my mind. That’s the true task.
Until tomorrow,
amberroseleigh
Some Kind Of Unique Freedom 