“60 DAYS: In the Life of a Teenager with Bipolar” #3: Exhausted

Day 3
Mood: 4

Dear Blog,
I’m forcing myself to do this today. I’m exhausted. I’m always f**king exhausted. Sometimes I feel like my brain just won’t stop. When it does this my heart speeds up and I begin to freak out. Sometimes this lasts for hours or all day and I end up exhausted. I end up feeling like I can’t keep my body moving despite my head running at full speed.
I feel this will be hard for me to push myself each day to write. I just want to finish something and feel that feeling of being accomplished.
I have a fear of doing new things. I create fears before I have a reason to. I remember being 8 and still not able to ride a bike with out training wheels. I was soon to learn fear hinders success. I learnt this when my dad pretended to hold the back of the two wheeled bike as I rode off. Minutes in I turned around and saw him standing in the distance, his hands free of the bike. Now, I look back at this moment and see an example of how, even at a young age, I let fears of all sizes control me. Stump me. Hinder me. Rip me of my ability to see clearly and to try new things. Now that I can see this. I can see that i need to free myself from it’s control. And I will.
Until tomorrow,
amberroseleigh

Yes Woman!

“Hey do you want to come to this get together at my place?”
“No.”
“What about a movie?”
“No.”
“How about-“
“No”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No seems to have, over time, become my all time favorite word. Sometimes I even say no to things I’m meant to say yes to. Saying the word “no” is troubling and a terrible habit to get yourself into. The word itself can be inherently negative and can even place your mind and body in a state of negativity. This can be incredibly unhealthy. So often I find myself missing out on something I could enjoy simple because I’ve said “no”. Over the past week or so I’ve been trying to come out and start saying yes to things and I can tell you that each time I’ve said yes I’ve returned home feeling good about myself. When you’re a frequent “no-er” it becomes second nature to say no. However you need to reach deep within yourself to say yes every now and again. It makes you feel more mentally clear, awake, productive and overall happier. Even if it’s tiny steps at a time. As someone that deals with anxiety saying no is like a safe guard to me. Ensuring that nothing bad can happen although that often means nothing good or bad happening at all.
So, if you’re a frequent “no-er” then I encourage you to take the step to say yes! Even if it’s something small. Just do it and I can guarantee you’ll feel better with each unexpected yes you say.

If you are a frequent “no-er” comment below and let me know what’s made you into a frequent “no-er” or if you’ve stepped out and said yes lately!

x Amber Rose Leigh